Right now things don't seem all that bad. So why do I feel so sad? That was the question posed to me today by my therapist. In retrospect, things right now aren't all that bad. After a little over 2 weeks in the hospital, I'm out and somewhat about. I finally moved away from my family, which was a big source of drama and frustration in my life and on top of all that, I found out I got accepted to Brigham Young University. One would think I would be on cloud 9 right about now. I even thought I was. That is until my therapist decided to chime in with a thought. She says, "With all these seemingly exciting things happening right now, you still seem to be so sad. Why do you think that is?"
Apparently I can't hide the way I feel inside. My actions are speaking louder than words. This revelation is starting to bother me. Bother me because for a long time I kept whatever was bothering me or hurting me deep inside. Therefore on the exterior all you would think you were seeing is a upbeat, energetic, well-dressed woman. But beneath the pretty skirts and the sassy shoes, lied a "girl" who was very broken inside. By now I know that in time things must change- and I'm trying to change it-so it shouldn't be so bad. But why do I feel so sad?
For those of you familiar with Natasha Bedingfield, you noticed that the description for my blog is from her song "Unwritten". I titled the blog "The Re-education of Lakia Holmes" because over the last 22 years I learned and experienced many things. Some good. Most bad. But in the last month, a lot of things changed and now I feel I'm at the point where I need to be educated all over again. So today begins my journey into discovering myself...again. Today my book begins, the rest is still unwritten.